Staring at screens all day has become a way of life. I try not to succumb to the pressures of our world. I try to dance to my own beat but, you know we all do it.
There is the computer screen.(How else can I blog?). There is my tablet that I use at work. Then, our cell phones which have become like a ball and chain.(What would we do without Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or constant email updates? Not to mention all those text messages from others who are too busy to talk but can send you a message and wait two hours or ten seconds for you to respond). Finally, when we seek comfort and relaxation after a long day of blogging, texting, and emailing we find ourselves staring at a television screen.
Most of the time I fall asleep staring at one screen or another and wake up searching for one of the others. My eyes hurt most days. My neck is stiff. I am tired and wish I could just sleep until next week.
I just want a warm cup of coffee in the morning, money in my bank account, my rent paid, and for my girls not to fight. Somehow it seems I am asking for too much.
Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for all that i have. I have more than i had a year ago. I have more than I had four months ago. I just wish I would finally find that peace and balance of a boring routine that will be comfortable and I would not have this headache because I am longing for my drugs of choice (nicotine and caffeine).
I just want a happy home. I want healthy children. I am in a slump at the moment and in full swing of major changes. Just when you think things are calming down, BOOM! another change comes in. The next moment I seem to be crying about why the changes aren’t fast enough. I thank God for all my blessings but I seem to always be struggling.
I have started to make peace with myself. I take deep breaths, dig a little deeper and keep moving. It helps to walk each day, to write each day, and to pray each day. This is what I am doing. I know I should not give up or give in. These are not an options. I just know that some days are harder than others. I no longer want these rough days. I long for the peace and comfort of home and stability.